Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
