Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
