I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
