I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
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