Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
