no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Randomize
