i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
