Yo dont text me then not text me
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
