Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
