Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
