I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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