It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Why can't burritos get me drunk
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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