I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
