For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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