Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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