Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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