Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
