Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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