belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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