i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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