Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
