Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
