I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
