Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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