Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
