No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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