K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
