In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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