I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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