he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
