bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
