remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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