I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
