AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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