just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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