i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize
