'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
