Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
