Those balls look pretty dangerous.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
