I am puke
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
