my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
