I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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