shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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