I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
