Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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