absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
