I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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