my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
