I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
