Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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