I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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